You Are Way Too Young to Worry.
When I was a teen, I felt it was the worst timeline I am stuck in. I used to thrive for freedom, independence morally as well as financially. For me, I was growing rapidly biologically (although I am just 5.4) but had no clue for my future, when most teens were following hobbies, I was a lazy ass wiggling on a couch bingeing Shinchan. My friend circle was no different, however, as per me they were all doing better than me in life. Where 3/4th of my teens went glorious with the 2g internet and playful evenings. I was far away from the term of social media and had very few friends, who mostly were from my 8hours of school.
As being an only child, I had spent plenty of my time alone. With a nuclear family that stayed away from the so-called friendly village. I rarely got to see and meet people of my age group outside my school.
All this had a plus point, I had enough time to complete my homework (just kidding, I never did that) and find time to read and write.
Initially, being from a convent school that promoted English prioritized education as its motto. I started with English poetry. It bought back appreciation from the teachers as well as students. Gave me a lot of memories to simp upon. Yet it wasn’t what I wanted. With no counseling about my studies and my plans ahead, I got the opportunity to explore my life in my way.
This way before I hit the biological mark of being a so-called teen.
It was then that I started having Bonner, which till then just meant as a biological signal of ‘its time to pee.’ now had a completely new meaning for me.
In the initial days, I had no clue why every morning I have to get up embarrassed and let it get normal by itself.
Now you reader might be thinking why was I so dumb. Well, chapter 9 of the NCERT biology book shall have given me the answer, but since it had been skipped swiftly by our teacher, as it was awkward to talk about penis in a class full of teens searching the answer to the question, why the fuck am I hard?
However, we were given complete knowledge about how the flowers and plants fuck to reproduce.
I don’t know of the other mates but a few of my friends and I were very curious and restless to find answers to this.
As we had no sexual education it was hard for us to talk about this to parents, so we opted the other way.
INTERNET, this virtual yard full of gems, treasures, and shits had the answer to our questions.
But knowledge comes at a cost. Here it was the cost refers to mental peace.
By the time we reached high school, we were pro at the things internet offered us.
As an encouragement, we were introduced to cheap data services. Jio came to the revolution and I welcomed it warmly. By now I had only known Facebook as a social media. And all it had was me and a bunch of my known friends who would chit-chat the same thing we chit-chatted in the school. (Yeah it was far before uncles came to the platform and Zuks fucked it up.)
After scratching almost every wall of my house in my obscenity, I finally got a mobile phone. By the introduction of 4G, my teen life changed and I came to the zone where nothing was more important to me than that of how many likes and comments have I hit on Facebook and Instagram.
When at peace, I used to think that am I doing the right thing. Is it too much? Or am I enjoying what I do? Yet with the start of the next day, I used to be back to my routine scrolls.
Life for me back then was a silly process of going to school waiting for it to be over and getting back to either play GTA Vice City (this was an epic game) or come to scroll my mobile. By the time I realized that the world is far beyond the screens I often stare at, I lost many of my hobbies and skills.
However, I am not blaming the technology, as it acted as the red skull. Gave me the power to give a change to the world and in return took my so-called monotonous lifestyle.
On nights of the full moon, I loved to stay under the open sky on my rooftop and let the breeze of weird thoughts flow through me.
This was the only time when I used to question life. Before this and after this life for me was all about my lifestyle, if it works as planned life is good or else it’s worst.
I never had the answer to the question but yet the rapidly growing era needed me to cope up. And thus the question was left unanswered.
Compared to my early teens, I was more active physically and socially. I fairly sharped the skill of public speaking and the term of confidence was quite acceptable. However, I was still clueless about the political socialist environment I was a part of.
I completed high school and as one of the capitalist minds, I opted for commerce. For some time I was fairly clear that I have to pursue commerce and do something in the field of money.
The next two years of my life went with ease as I completed my secondary education.
But the graduation. The tag of teenager was almost at its limit as I turned 19.
The question was still unanswered, and I was even more restless and clueless. There was no answer to the definition of life. By now I was clear that the answer is not in my lifestyle as it was rapidly changing. ( you know the college stuff)
Now when I am in my 20s. being asked the question, Teens Definition of Life?
I kind of have answers to it.
“Life is an experience of chaos”
As a teen, I wanted to play more games, enjoy social media, find new friends, get appreciated for the skills, and a lot more. All this is just for the experience. I wasn’t hungry for appreciation, nor I was attracted to multiple materialistic things, all I wanted was to experience, understand and learn the fundamentals of almost every possible thing.
For me, the teens are not only the age of biological change but it’s even the peak time when one finds a philosophy to follow. The experiences one had to go through during his teenage help him form the persona for a lifetime. Yes, for some the teenagers go all as planned and some have to face trauma. But the experience for every single individual remains unknown to them until they quest for it.
When today I look back, I find my teenage experience of a lifetime. I surely did a lot of things wrong, but I also did a lot of things right. I made a mess but the fact is I learned how to clean my mess. I almost gave up on my life, but I even came out stronger. I hurt a lot of people in my teens, even got bullied for being short. But all this gave me the confidence to accept myself. Maybe I still have a lot to experience and maybe I end up in situations that seem even worse fucked. But life for me will always remain an experience of chaos. And no matter how fucked up I am, I will never lose hold of the ideologies that I developed through my experiences. Nor I will do so at times when I become a successful whatever. ( I still don’t know where will I end)
At times I might pretend as much mature as I am, but down my throat, I will always be a witty soul that could anytime crack a bad joke. And flirt with all cheezy pickup lines.
Your teenage might have been the same as mine or maybe you went through a whole different thing, the idea will come to the same thing. “An experience of chaos”.
Now when I am in my 20s I regret a lot of things I have done in my teens but back then they seemed quite fun.
And why in the name of holy gods will someone refuse to choose fun. Even the things that I did back then as time pass. Now they give me my pocket money. I started writing as an escape to my studies pinning the goal of appreciation. This now acts as my skill and gives me revenue still acting as my escape to a monotonous lifecycle. My life so far has been pretty pale and I have very normal to no experience of thrill and that’s the only thing that I crave for now. And I don’t regret not studying my last few years furiously for marks. Instead, I am happy for using that energy to entertain myself.
All by now I learned is that everything you do, count it as an experience and never judge your own decisions. (However, don’t be too dumb while making decisions.)
Just let yourself be as you are, stay curious about experiences or chaos to come.